Dear Mr. J K of 1 Oak St, Arlington, VA 22131,
If you received a PAX East packet in the mail recently, please don’t try to hitchhike to Boston at the last minute thinking you can get in to PAX East. The kind people at InteractiveTicketing are contacting whom I hope to be kind people at Reed Publishing to have them render the badge they sent invalid, and will instead arrange for a valid badge to be available for my privacy-paranoid, fake-address-using, moronic self to pickup at Will Call in Boston.

Of course, I don’t really know where the badges sent in the mail will actually end up. Perhaps they will go to Arlington, VA. Or, perhaps they will go to Santa’s Workshop at the North Pole, or even Area 51, because zip code 22131 doesn’t even compute in the US Postal System. Yes, I research my obfuscations ahead of time for maximum inefficiency.

Since I have your attention, I would like to vent a little more if you don’t mind. My own stupidity now forces me to wait in Will Call with other hapless goobers who put in wrong addresses, bought last minute tickets, or tried to use their PAX East badges to scrape paint off their siding. I’ll be separated from my friends, whom I don’t want to make suffer due to my extreme ineptitude, for the opening of the event -for who knows how long- on the very first day, and that’s what really ticks me off.

Thanks for listening, and sorry about the invalidated badge. In case you want to hunt me down and exact your revenge, I’ve included a photo.
~The Real JK

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