I told my boy Barry (the tall redhead enjoying the Hong Kong Hardee’s too much in ) that I’d publish his oft-bragged Pre-Season NFL Analyses in my blog. So here they are, in their entirety (with misspellings included, for authenticity’s sake) 🙂 Feel free to post comments.

Barry’s Pre-Season NFL Analyses

Alright, it’s that time of the season! Grab a soda, sit back, relax, and enjoy the most precise, on-point predictioins of the current era in professional sports. Stand by for some stellar NFL analys by the greatest, smartest sports mind you may ever have an opportunity to come acrossed. Your very own, Barry Dudley, jock extraordinaire!

As you should already know (I feel really sorry for you if you don’t), but training camp begins in just another week now. And do to the circumstances, and the fact that Rian was talking [crap] about the Eagles, I’m gonna fill you in on who to put your money on each week, and I’m also going to enlighten you on what kind of a record to expect from your team this season. Alright! This is gonna be fun, so let’s get started!

It wouldn’t be fare to not start off with some analys of the tough AFC East since they are indeed the reigning champions (at least for another few months).

AFC East: This division looks to be pretty cut and dry again this season. The over-rated New England Patriots will again prevail, and win the division fairly effortlessly this season. Three teams from this division have improved, and the Miami Dolphins are not one of them! Below, you can get the down and dirty of all the teams of the AFC East, records for the 2004 season, and where they have improved/ downgraded.

New England Patriots: 11-5
Yeah, you heard me correctly! There’s no way in hell the Pats will win 14 games this season! I’ve gotta base 80% of that record last season on luck, and the other 20% on good coaching. Common now! How does a team with Tom Brady at the helm manage to win two Super Bowls in three years! This is the luckiest kid on this half of the country, and it’s time to come to an end.

The Pats still maintain one of the better Defenses currently assembled in the NFL, and head coach Bill Belichick is still one of the most under-rated coaches in all of sports (I’m guilty of this myself). For the Patriots to have a shot at the repeat, they will need some quality contributions from there defense, the new man in the backfield (Corey Dillon), and yeah you guessed it- Bill Belichick! Oh yeah, look for some Major Problems for this team if Tom Brady goes down! Who’s the backup to him again??? Exactly!
Improvements: The addition of Corey Dillon will make a noticeable impact for this team. He gives New England the sort of running threat that they haven’t had in many years! Maybe Tom Brady can throw more TD’s and less INT’s this season!

Downgrades: Quarterback depth is currently a major problem for New England fans. Mark my words, if Tom Brady goes down, so do the New England Patriots!

Miami Dolphins: 11-5
How’d that work! I swear I did this based on strength of schedule, and talent of the team, and yet they still finish tied with the Pats! Alright, it’s time everyone starts being honest about this football team! They have one of the worst front offices/ organizations in the league, and they need to make some changes if they want to make it past January! There coach sucks, there quarterback sucks, and the owner of the team sucks! So, how do the Dolphins always manage to win so many games so early in the season you ask? I think it’s the weather honestly. They only seem to play up to par when the weather is nice.

Once again, this is a team built around a very effective defense. Are you aware that until the Dolphins met the Eagles on a prime time Monday Night game of the latter part of the 2003 season, the Dolphins didn’t give up a single play that was more than twenty yards! That’s tight defense! Bottom line for the Dolphins is that they need a new coach, a new offensive line, and new management to get to the next level!

Improvements: For a team that couldn’t even make the playoffs last season, Miami just didn’t make enough changes in the offseason to get them over the hump. The biggest improvement this team has made was adding defensive depth through free-agent acquisitions and draft picks.

Downgrades: The Dolphins need to take another look into the free-agent market for some offensive linemen. It should have been a top three priority for this team to add some bulk for Ricky Williams to run behind. I think it’s only a matter of time before Chris Chambers will be catching passes from Miami’s punter since they have no one to provide the kind of protection that Jay Fiedler will need to throw the ball effectively down field!

New York Jets: 10-6
I expect a possible surprising playoff run from the Jets this season. I don’t expect them to go deep into the playoffs, but I think they may get there. I think Chad Pennington has a long successful NFL career ahead of him. This kid runs the best play-action of any QB currently in the NFL! With the upgrades that this team has made to the defensive front and secondary depth, they have an opportunity to surprise a few teams.

Improvements: Defensively, the Jets hit just the right spots during the offseason to acquire some depth for a playoff run. If Pennington can lead a mediocre offense successfully, this team can be a force in this fairly weak AFC East.

Downgrades: Not much to say about this team here. I think they’ve made some good acquisitions, and haven’t made any mistakes this offseason.

Buffalo Bills: 7-9
Hate to be the bearer of bad news for Bills fans, but Drew Bledsoe wasn’t the answer to this team’s problems and neither was Takeo Spikes! This is a team that seems to improve on paper every year, but consistantly goes nowhere with those improvements (Redskins of the AFC perhaps!). I truely believe that any success this team may see will bear on the shoulders of Bledsoe’s performance. If new quarterback coach Sam Wyche can improve Bledsoe the way this teams hopes, they might have a shot in a few years.

Improvements: The coaching staff is the only real difference from last season. Bledsoe is coming off of one of the worst season in his veteran career, and the club has brought in just the guy to turn that all around. Sam Wyche has worked with the likes of countless successful QBs.

Downgrades: It’s kind of nit-picky, but I think it’s a questionable move to bring in an aging Troy Vincent to improve the very weak secondary unit. Let’s be honest here, Vincent is in the process of a decline, and there’s no changing that mans aging!

So, this got way more in depth that I had originally expected, so I’ll just go ahead and bring this one to a close for the afternoon. I’ll finish another AFC Division tommorrow since I know you all enjoy my vast knowledge of the teams in the NFL.

Final Thought: Tom Brady’s chin dimple is starting to wear me out, and I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be a fan of the NFL if he continues to win Super Bowl MVP awards. He’s just not what the NFL needs, he’s not what the country needs. We the fans of football need a SuperBowl MVP with class, someone with character. Someone like Donavan McNabb or Terrell Owens!

Bleed Green Baby!

Oh yeah, and those of you who read too much and actually believe that Shaq will be the difference maker in Miami, and the loss of Phil Jackson and him will drop the Lakers out of the playoffs next season; you should all start singing another song because Kobe is too much of a force to be reckoned with, and the Lakers will still be a force in the NBA next season. Oh, and the Miami Heat will not!!!

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